Confession: I want to feel beautiful

Confessions are hard to make.
but I am willing to make one.

you ever get dolled up just to feel....sexy?

you ever put every lock of hair in place just to feel....pretty?

you ever throw on your best jeans and favorite shirt just to feel...beautiful?

you ever slip on those heels you only worn once just to feel...confident?

you ever stand in the mirror and do all sorts of poses just to feel...modelesque?

cause I do.

And I know we all do it. but why?

Personally its so I can look in the mirror and say "hey, you're kinda cute." and not feel like I'm lying to myself.

Xk

Ps. if any guy tells me they DON'T behave in similar ways they are a god damn liar. end of story.

And suddenly I felt just fine...

I had the worst day of my life yesterday. and I normally dont complain. You know this.
Nothing was going right and thats the truth. Nothing could pick up my spirits because:

FML. seriously.

Not my friends lol worthy jokes, our bad mouthing the ones who bad mouthed us that day. [which I normally dont partake in but I was furious, dont judge.] not my usually calming horse. Not a phone call from Luka. nothing seemed to be working.

So I said "F this." and went home, tore off my dirty clothes, ate my amazing Veggie five dollar foot long Subway Sub, went online, read some lusty FanFic and then saw this picture.

And suddenly my day was much, much better. end of story.

Xk

RIP paper bag children

I have been Oh so busy with my life right now:

Wedding

Getting ready for wedding [it took 4 days]

Writing

Reading

Getting sick

Playing

Eating

Not Eating

Dieting

spending time with everyone else EXCEPT my blog friends.

This is not neglect! You are not my child!

if you were, youd be hanging out in a paper bag.

"whos a paper bag child? whos mommy ashamed of? who?"

Anyway, now that Ive had a week to relax my brain, goof off, and do everything that is not on my responsibilities list...

Kortnii is back! yeah baby!

First off I just want to say RIP. Not only to the celebs that have died this past week, but to all people in the world who have died as well. ever. I was sad when I heard the celebs had died, but not for the same reasons as the rest of the human world. I just thought of how many soldiers die and homeless people, kids, elders, friends, teens, moms, dads, people who have been murdered or in an accidents and anyone else I could think of that dont get the same recognition when they pass.

What has the world come to that when someone we dont even know dies, it seems more heartbreaking than the death of our real families? It sickens me. end of story.

On a lighter note, My cousins wedding was beautiful. Everything was fresh and straight out of a fairytale. until it came time for the rings. Yep, the bridesmaid [brides sister] wasnt informed that she was to carry the brides ring to the alter, so there was a sort of whisper friendly intermission when the rings were called to show while she ran to the back room and got it. And yes, the bride was furious, but only for a few mins. We laugh it off now. Or at least I do...

And no, I dont remember how much I had to drink that night, so dont ask.

Ill have photos up from said wedding in a few days [I looked amazing times 12] as well as a few other stories from the wedding Im sure.

Did you notice something missing? yeah, me too. My 2nd Creeptastic Thursday was not posted as I was getting my hair done that night. Ill have a double packed one this thursday I promise. for real this time...

Miss me? of course you did.

Xk

My Dads Day

Paul is a one of a kind dad.

I dont think Ive ever met anyone who compares to him. In wit, in sarcasm, in awkwardness when in front of my friends, and love. My dad and I dont always get along. In fact, its a great day when we do.

Both being stubborn, some like to blame it on our star signs: Aries and Taurus, its almost always a battle of whos right and who gets the last word. With his occasional parties with friends getting too occasional for my liking and his way of regarding every little problem as if it was the end of the human world, he is very frustrating. But I could never call it quits on him. Even with our heads butting and tempers flarring, I still know he cares deeply for me. It might even be that he cares too much, but how could I wish that different?

My dad raised me since birth and if you ask me, sure, we had harder than hell times, but truthfully I grew well.

Through it all, I learned to grow-up fast, which in turn, made me realize all the decisions my friends were making were worse than they thought imaginable. And when they would all be sitting in bed grounded or, now that we are all older, in jail, Im always the one who has the clean record who they call on for help. Ive had my parties, but nothing so far gone that a shake of the head and a "go to bed now" didnt solve. I didnt need any of the thrills of getting drunk and hanging on the arms of boys I didnt know. My dad taught me better than that. I am eternally grateful.

This is your day dad, and so is the next day and the next and the next...

Happy Fathers Day.

Xk

she-male aka Cera

So Michael Cera, may I call you Mike? ok cool. So Mike. whats happenin? I pretty much have to see your newest film thats coming out. Year One. yeah. It looks amazing times 12.

But I couldnt help notice that you seem to have gottten the worst make-up crew ever. or best. I cant decide.

You see, you pretty much look like a woman. a very unattractive one at that. And normally Im lusting all over your awkwardness.

what the flip happened?

I guess the moral of the story is: dont piss off make-up crew. seriously.

Im just going to have to post this picture to make up for it....

look at me with my vintage camera looking fetch.
atta' boy...

ANYWAY. since I got that off my chest, I have some GREAT news. SO GREAT that I feel like using RANDOM capitol LETTERS. wtflip...

Since Ive been taking break often on blogging for my more professional writing I came up with an idea: another blog.

I havent decided what its going to be called or exactly whats going to happen within it... BUT I do have some ideas:

1. what Im writing about. how its going, do I have writers block, am I sad that I killed off yet another handsome charactor, etc.

2. Ill put quotes from my current writing.

3. you will have the job of editing and telling me what you think about said quotes.

4. Itll be a party. and you will love it. and I will be the queen of the blogiverse! muhaha

ahem.

SO thats my idea, what do ya think?

Xk

**UPDATE**

so I made my new blog: http://seriouslykortnii.blogspot.com/
but you can still tell me what you think!

in need of assistance

There I was on the toilet. Doing my thing. and then to my own horror I realized: I was out of TP.

I looked to my left. wall. my right. tub. I was surrounded by everything that was not about to be used as a wiping utility.

My stupid self forgot to put the TP on the TP shelf next to the toilet. Instead, for some odd reason, I decided underneath the sink would be a better spot this time. *facepalm*

what did I do?

did I dare get up and shrug it off and go natural?

teach the cat to fetch?

waggle across the two feet my arm couldnt reach and grab it myself?

I did all I could do: I called J.

THIS is why I need a dog. so I can teach it to save me when the TP is not where it should have been all along.

"go lassie! kortnii is trapped in the potty! get the TP asnap!"

Unlike almost everyone else in the world, Ive never had a dog before. So I am on a hunt to find me one. I am trying to get ahold of a Sheltie Resuce Center for they are the size and playfulness I am ready to handle according to google. and I think they will be nice to the cat. who knows.

the real question is: will the cat be nice to the pup?

Speaking of the cat [yeah its an animal day, get over it] everytime I walk up to my cat when he is sprawled out on the bedspread, he gives me this look like,

"oh god. not again. really? youre waking me up again? as soon as I fall asleep you have to rub me awake to tell me how cute I am. As if I didnt already know."

and sort of glares at me. Yeah. of course it makes me lol. but it also freaks me out that I can almost have conversations with his eyes. its. not. ok.

and no. Im not lonely. I just have a high respect for my animals. end of story.

Xk

Ps. Have you noticed something missing? yeah. me too.

my first creeptastic thursday has still not been able to air.

why not, you ask?

well I took a 5 day vacation. no. no where fun. a vacation in my own home. without internet use.

yeah I cried a little.

But it turned out to be a good thing. I got a lot of writing and art and music done while I was on my mini vacation. Even a new idea for a non-vampire related novel/story. yeah Im freakin amazing.

pps. yes. I have long ps' sometimes. get over it.

and the hard part: getting out of the gossip

the first step to being a bitch is: admitting youre perfect.

also works for asshole.

Im not perfect. in any way shape or form.
I make plenty of mistakes.
and I will say sorry when I think its granted.

when someone treats me like a child instead of the adult I am, it doesnt make me angry. it breaks my heart.

If you cant see that it hurts my feelings when youre talking to others about our problems instead of going to the source, you dont deserve my respect.

I respect your opinions, why cant you respect mine?

you ask, I deliver.
Im not a sugar-coater if you know what I mean.

the truth hurts darling, but its better to know your flaws than to hide them from the world forever.


Gossip is an instant cringe upon on my face. Its not that I dont understand the lethalness of it, the heartbreak of it. I get it. I get how easy it is to fall under its spell when its going from one ear, to yours, to the next.

I just never thought it would happen to me. Ive never had a story to tell someone else. I dont get emabrrassed, Im not rude to people, Im honest, I dont do drunk calls, I keep my hair clean, etc. theres never been much to say about Kortnii. until someone decided to take my words and twist them into something that is ugly, hurtful, and most of all: a big fat fatty of a lie.

and you know what Ive learned about gossip?
its exactly the amount of bullshit and lies about the person as I thought it was.

you know what else?
it makes me laugh.

like Ive said countless times: I dont care what you think. so long as its about me.

love that saying, I really do.

For those who truly care about me: I love you.
anyone else: I love you too.

there isnt enough in me to hate anyone to be honest. those who cant stand me I still have room in my heart for. they make me laugh with their rediculousness. whats not to love?

Xk

Ps. I know this is sort of an out-of-the-blue-whats-wrong-Kortnii? sort of post. but I had a lot on my mind these days and had no one but you bloggers to share them with in confidence.

Brain Blah

Can we say brain blah? seriously.

I dont get writers block. I have plenty of things to go on and on about. I just dont feel like writing any of them down.

Sorry bloggers, I think I might need a break.

"but kortnii, you dont even post that often"

more often than nothing at all isnt it?

I just need more progress on my real writing. no offense bloggers, I do love telling you all the random things that go on in my head. but Ive really had some amazing ideas these days that need a little more attention than usual.

hey, I mean, what if its my big break? youll get to point at the TV saying "oh yeah, I follow her blog! we are like...so e-close its tear worthy"

It wont be a long break. it might not be a break at all. Prolly just wont blog til Thursday. so I can FINALLY hold my first Creeptastic Thursday event of a blogtime. yeah, you dont even have to say its about time, cuase I know it is.

Oh and report on Boo Radley house: I tried to get a photo of it, and then the owner like...peeked through the window. yeah. I ran. almost screaming. mostly laughing. Ill go back later.

Xk

apparently biznitch aint shiz

So I went for a night walk, like I always do.
yes.
at night.
I know.
Im freakin unstoppable.
No, it wasnt scary.
I promise.
ok. maybe a little.
but there was room for lols.

Ya see, while I was struttin my stuff walking my ear bud that was blarin only the sweetest tunes in my ear fell out I witnessed something scary, funny, and lol worthy.
Two kids were climbing on the benches by the sidewalk having a conversation.

"ok kortnii...why do we care?"

well because of what they were saying. or trying to say. whatever.

"dude, what about your sis?"
I walked in the middle of it, so yeah I was lost too
"naw, that biznitch aint fluckin shiz"
"fluck. no?"
"pff. shes potatos"

...

yeah.

I lol-ed for REAL.
out loud.
looking right at them.
and of course I got a "what?" from the two of them.

and of course I popped my earbud back in just kept walking by.

and of course I substituted the real swears as something more...appropriate and to me, funny. I cant have people complainin about my blog lingo can I? well I can. but I dont feel like dealing with it right now.


OH! and before I forget to tell you bloggers, I saw the most BOO RADLEY looking house ever. [if you dont know who boo radely is, go die. or read to kill a mocking bird. whichever]

it was sooo creepy.

and I had to walk by it.

twice.

I couldnt get a good pic cause it was too dark for the cell phone BUT tomorrow I shall deliver.


OH!!! and you can still comment on my last post about the movie awards. I wont mind :] I still want to know what you thought about it all.

Xk

ps. the two kids are not from the ghetto. they arent black. and they were not wearing shirts that said LIFES A BEACH or SHUT UP, YOUR MOM on them. they were like. 10 years old. prolly still in pampers.

they see us winnin' and they hatin'

watched the MTV Movie awards for 2009 one time and a half...

my thoughts?:

I want piano cat at my wedding. for reals.

Robert Pattinson is hot. just saying...

Kristen Stewart looked sober. thumbs up.

Peter in the 360 pic was lol worthy to the max hardcore. didnt see it? click this

Megan Fox looked like a scuzz dog. take a shower girl.

Cam has too tight of pants on.

Robert is sweet for thanking his stunt double for doing all the work for him to win that award.


Andy is the best host MTV awards has ever had. ever.

Zac Efron has a mop on his head..or a dead jellyfish nested there.

Eminem still sucks. yawn.

Taylor Launter was nominated even though he only had like 5 mins in the film. thats cool.

The popcorn man-guy-thing scares me. a lot.

The gum commercial guy talks like he has a ten foot wad of gum in his mouth.

Commercials piss me off.

Paris Hilton needs to get over herself. bff deal. no one cares. shoo. go be-friend a grizzly bear.

Harry Potter is so last year. but Im so stoked.

Bruno looks just like Borat. which was gross more than funny. but Ill so go see it.

Didnt need to see Brunos ass though.

I dont know if Eminem was in on the skit deal. he might sue. who knows.

Although Eminem DOES promote bum in face doesnt he? who. knows.

Harry Potter kids look smokin. but are still so last year

the Tech movie award guy needs to stop humping his award. or breathing. whatevs.

you cant say dick on tv unless youre live.

Sandra Bullock is gorgeous. and my fav actress since the dawn of my time. Id be fake lez with her.

And Sandra made me lol long time when she groped Kristen.

Kristen is a tease. end of story.

The cover of jizz in my pants, boat, etc, was NOT funny. dont ask "why not?" it just wasnt.

The WTF award. I wouldve loled if I was 2 yrs old and thought swearing was funny still.

Lil Wayne is really Lil. yeah, true story.

Miley Cyrus didnt deserve that music award. and is NOT on a boat.

New Moon is going to be AMAZING with a side of OMG I CANT BREATHE.

Keiffer made me lol with his crying. but went overboard.

Ben Stiller is a jew. a really cool jew.

Kristen had a Bella moment. dropping the award. made me lol long time.

Kings of Leon live sounds just like they do on the album. which sucks. so you do the math.

Twilight cleaned up! like I said they would.

Just cause youre dead, doesnt mean youll win an award. no pity points here. *cough The Dark Knight cough*

Robs hot. end of story.



Thats all I can remember, seeing as half way through re-watching the award show my internet disappeared. freakin lame, I know. I didnt even get to see the trailer I already watched ten times online again. And I didnt get to see Rob being Robalicious again. AND I didnt get to see Kings of leon again [thank god].

its early in consideration to what time I went to bed last night [morning] Im off to potato in front of the tv, hoping that the award show will company me while I eat my lunch.

If you still havent seen the show yet, I pretty much filled you in. but if you have:

Tell me what YOU thought of the award show.
Do you think Twilight deserved all those awards? Cause I didnt.
Do you think Megan Fox is NOT a fox? cause I dont.
Do you think Rob is adorable? cause I do.
Do you think that the 360 camera is AMAZING? cause I do
Do you think Eminem will sue? lets place bets.

Xk

ps. want more pics? got em here