Monday, September 7, 2009

Confession: I want to feel beautiful

Confessions are hard to make.
but I am willing to make one.

you ever get dolled up just to
you ever put every lock of hair in place just to feel....pretty?
you ever throw on your best jeans and favorite shirt just to feel...beautiful?
you ever slip on those heels you only worn once just to feel...confident?
you ever stand in the mirror and do all sorts of poses just to feel...modelesque?
cause I do.

And I know we all do it. but why?

Personally its so I can look in the mirror and say "hey, you're kinda cute." and not feel like I'm lying to myself.


Ps. if any guy tells me they DON'T behave in similar ways they are a god damn liar. end of story.

Monday, July 20, 2009

And suddenly I felt just fine...

I had the worst day of my life yesterday. and I normally dont complain. You know this.
Nothing was going right and thats the truth. Nothing could pick up my spirits because:

FML. seriously.

Not my friends lol worthy jokes, our bad mouthing the ones who bad mouthed us that day. [which I normally dont partake in but I was furious, dont judge.] not my usually calming horse. Not a phone call from Luka. nothing seemed to be working.

So I said "F this." and went home, tore off my dirty clothes, ate my amazing Veggie five dollar foot long Subway Sub, went online, read some lusty FanFic and then saw this picture.
And suddenly my day was much, much better. end of story.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

RIP paper bag children

I have been Oh so busy with my life right now:

Getting ready for wedding [it took 4 days]
Getting sick
Not Eating
spending time with everyone else EXCEPT my blog friends.

This is not neglect! You are not my child!
if you were, youd be hanging out in a paper bag.

"whos a paper bag child? whos mommy ashamed of? who?"

Anyway, now that Ive had a week to relax my brain, goof off, and do everything that is not on my responsibilities list...
Kortnii is back! yeah baby!

First off I just want to say RIP. Not only to the celebs that have died this past week, but to all people in the world who have died as well. ever. I was sad when I heard the celebs had died, but not for the same reasons as the rest of the human world. I just thought of how many soldiers die and homeless people, kids, elders, friends, teens, moms, dads, people who have been murdered or in an accidents and anyone else I could think of that dont get the same recognition when they pass.
What has the world come to that when someone we dont even know dies, it seems more heartbreaking than the death of our real families? It sickens me. end of story.

On a lighter note, My cousins wedding was beautiful. Everything was fresh and straight out of a fairytale. until it came time for the rings. Yep, the bridesmaid [brides sister] wasnt informed that she was to carry the brides ring to the alter, so there was a sort of whisper friendly intermission when the rings were called to show while she ran to the back room and got it. And yes, the bride was furious, but only for a few mins. We laugh it off now. Or at least I do...

And no, I dont remember how much I had to drink that night, so dont ask.

Ill have photos up from said wedding in a few days [I looked amazing times 12] as well as a few other stories from the wedding Im sure.

Did you notice something missing? yeah, me too. My 2nd Creeptastic Thursday was not posted as I was getting my hair done that night. Ill have a double packed one this thursday I promise. for real this time...

Miss me? of course you did.


Sunday, June 21, 2009

My Dads Day

Paul is a one of a kind dad.
I dont think Ive ever met anyone who compares to him. In wit, in sarcasm, in awkwardness when in front of my friends, and love. My dad and I dont always get along. In fact, its a great day when we do.
Both being stubborn, some like to blame it on our star signs: Aries and Taurus, its almost always a battle of whos right and who gets the last word. With his occasional parties with friends getting too occasional for my liking and his way of regarding every little problem as if it was the end of the human world, he is very frustrating. But I could never call it quits on him. Even with our heads butting and tempers flarring, I still know he cares deeply for me. It might even be that he cares too much, but how could I wish that different?
My dad raised me since birth and if you ask me, sure, we had harder than hell times, but truthfully I grew well.
Through it all, I learned to grow-up fast, which in turn, made me realize all the decisions my friends were making were worse than they thought imaginable. And when they would all be sitting in bed grounded or, now that we are all older, in jail, Im always the one who has the clean record who they call on for help. Ive had my parties, but nothing so far gone that a shake of the head and a "go to bed now" didnt solve. I didnt need any of the thrills of getting drunk and hanging on the arms of boys I didnt know. My dad taught me better than that. I am eternally grateful.

This is your day dad, and
so is the next day and the next and the next...
Happy Fathers Day.

Friday, June 19, 2009

she-male aka Cera

So Michael Cera, may I call you Mike? ok cool. So Mike. whats happenin? I pretty much have to see your newest film thats coming out. Year One. yeah. It looks amazing times 12.

But I couldnt help notice that you seem to have gottten the worst make-up crew ever. or best. I cant decide.
You see, you pretty much look like a woman. a very unattractive one at that. And normally Im lusting all over your awkwardness.

what the flip happened?

I guess the moral of the story is: dont piss off make-up crew. seriously.

Im just going to have to post this picture to make up for it....

look at me with my vintage camera looking fetch.
atta' boy...

ANYWAY. since I got that off my chest, I have some GREAT news. SO GREAT that I feel like using RANDOM capitol LETTERS. wtflip...

Since Ive been taking break often on blogging for my more professional writing I came up with an idea: another blog.
I havent decided what its going to be called or exactly whats going to happen within it... BUT I do have some ideas:
1. what Im writing about. how its going, do I have writers block, am I sad that I killed off yet another handsome charactor, etc.
2. Ill put quotes from my current writing.
3. you will have the job of editing and telling me what you think about said quotes.
4. Itll be a party. and you will love it. and I will be the queen of the blogiverse! muhaha


SO thats my idea, what do ya think?

so I made my new blog:
but you can still tell me what you think!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

in need of assistance

There I was on the toilet. Doing my thing. and then to my own horror I realized: I was out of TP.

I looked to my left. wall. my right. tub. I was surrounded by everything that was not about to be used as a wiping utility.
My stupid self forgot to put the TP on the TP shelf next to the toilet. Instead, for some odd reason, I decided underneath the sink would be a better spot this time. *facepalm*

what did I do?

did I dare get up and shrug it off and go natural?
teach the cat to fetch?
waggle across the two feet my arm couldnt reach and grab it myself?

I did all I could do: I called J.

THIS is why I need a dog. so I can teach it to save me when the TP is not where it should have been all along.
"go lassie! kortnii is trapped in the potty! get the TP asnap!"
Unlike almost everyone else in the world, Ive never had a dog before. So I am on a hunt to find me one. I am trying to get ahold of a Sheltie Resuce Center for they are the size and playfulness I am ready to handle according to google. and I think they will be nice to the cat. who knows.

the real question is: will the cat be nice to the pup?

Speaking of the cat [yeah its an animal day, get over it] everytime I walk up to my cat when he is sprawled out on the bedspread, he gives me this look like,
"oh god. not again. really? youre waking me up again? as soon as I fall asleep you have to rub me awake to tell me how cute I am. As if I didnt already know."
and sort of glares at me. Yeah. of course it makes me lol. but it also freaks me out that I can almost have conversations with his eyes. its. not. ok.
and no. Im not lonely. I just have a high respect for my animals. end of story.


Ps. Have you noticed something missing? yeah. me too.
my first creeptastic thursday has still not been able to air.
why not, you ask?
well I took a 5 day vacation. no. no where fun. a vacation in my own home. without internet use.
yeah I cried a little.
But it turned out to be a good thing. I got a lot of writing and art and music done while I was on my mini vacation. Even a new idea for a non-vampire related novel/story. yeah Im freakin amazing.

pps. yes. I have long ps' sometimes. get over it.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

and the hard part: getting out of the gossip

the first step to being a bitch is: admitting youre perfect.
also works for asshole.

Im not perfect. in any way shape or form.
I make plenty of mistakes.
and I will say sorry when I think its granted.

when someone treats me like a child instead of the adult I am, it doesnt make me angry. it breaks my heart.

If you cant see that it hurts my feelings when youre talking to others about our problems instead of going to the source, you dont deserve my respect.

I respect your opinions, why cant you respect mine?

you ask, I deliver.
Im not a sugar-coater if you know what I mean.

the truth hurts darling, but its better to know your flaws than to hide them from the world forever.

Gossip is an instant cringe upon on my face. Its not that I dont understand the lethalness of it, the heartbreak of it. I get it. I get how easy it is to fall under its spell when its going from one ear, to yours, to the next.

I just never thought it would happen to me. Ive never had a story to tell someone else. I dont get emabrrassed, Im not rude to people, Im honest, I dont do drunk calls, I keep my hair clean, etc. theres never been much to say about Kortnii. until someone decided to take my words and twist them into something that is ugly, hurtful, and most of all: a big fat fatty of a lie.

and you know what Ive learned about gossip?
its exactly the amount of bullshit and lies about the person as I thought it was.

you know what else?
it makes me laugh.

like Ive said countless times: I dont care what you think. so long as its about me.

love that saying, I really do.

For those who truly care about me: I love you.
anyone else: I love you too.

there isnt enough in me to hate anyone to be honest. those who cant stand me I still have room in my heart for. they make me laugh with their rediculousness. whats not to love?


Ps. I know this is sort of an out-of-the-blue-whats-wrong-Kortnii? sort of post. but I had a lot on my mind these days and had no one but you bloggers to share them with in confidence.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Brain Blah

Can we say brain blah? seriously.

I dont get writers block. I have plenty of things to go on and on about. I just dont feel like writing any of them down.

Sorry bloggers, I think I might need a break.

"but kortnii, you dont even post that often"

more often than nothing at all isnt it?

I just need more progress on my real writing. no offense bloggers, I do love telling you all the random things that go on in my head. but Ive really had some amazing ideas these days that need a little more attention than usual.

hey, I mean, what if its my big break? youll get to point at the TV saying "oh yeah, I follow her blog! we are e-close its tear worthy"

It wont be a long break. it might not be a break at all. Prolly just wont blog til Thursday. so I can FINALLY hold my first Creeptastic Thursday event of a blogtime. yeah, you dont even have to say its about time, cuase I know it is.

Oh and report on Boo Radley house: I tried to get a photo of it, and then the owner like...peeked through the window. yeah. I ran. almost screaming. mostly laughing. Ill go back later.


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

apparently biznitch aint shiz

So I went for a night walk, like I always do.
at night.
I know.
Im freakin unstoppable.
No, it wasnt scary.
I promise.
ok. maybe a little.
but there was room for lols.

Ya see,
while I was struttin my stuff walking my ear bud that was blarin only the sweetest tunes in my ear fell out I witnessed something scary, funny, and lol worthy.
Two kids were climbing on the benches by the sidewalk having a conversation.

"ok kortnii...why do we care?"

well because of what they were saying. or trying to say. whatever.

"dude, what about your sis?"
I walked in the middle of it, so yeah I was lost too
"naw, that biznitch aint fluckin shiz"
"fluck. no?"
"pff. shes potatos"



I lol-ed for REAL.
out loud.
looking right at them.
and of course I got a "what?" from the two of them.
and of course I popped my earbud back in just kept walking by.

and of course I substituted the real swears as something more...appropriate and to me, funny. I cant have people complainin about my blog lingo can I? well I can. but I dont feel like dealing with it right now.

OH! and before I forget
to tell you bloggers, I saw the most BOO RADLEY looking house ever. [if you dont know who boo radely is, go die. or read to kill a mocking bird. whichever]
it was sooo creepy.
and I had to walk by it.
I couldnt get a good pic cause it was too dark for the cell phone BUT tomorrow I shall deliver.

OH!!! and you can still comment on my last post about the movie awards. I wont mind :] I still want to know what you thought about it all.


ps. the two kids are not from the ghetto. they arent black. and they were not wearing shirts that said LIFES A BEACH or SHUT UP, YOUR MOM on them. they were like. 10 years old. prolly still in pampers.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

they see us winnin' and they hatin'

watched the MTV Movie awards for 2009 one time and a half...

my thoughts?:

I want piano cat at my wedding. for reals.

Robert Pattinson is hot. just saying...

Kristen Stewart looked sober. thumbs up.

Peter in the 360 pic was lol worthy to the max hardcore. didnt see it? click this

Megan Fox looked like a scuzz dog. take a shower girl.

Cam has too tight of pants on.

Robert is sweet for thanking his stunt double for doing all the work for him to win that award.

Andy is the best host MTV awards has ever had. ever.

Zac Efron has a mop on his head..or a dead jellyfish nested there.

Eminem still sucks. yawn.

Taylor Launter was nominated even though he only had like 5 mins in the film. thats cool.

The popcorn man-guy-thing scares me. a lot.

The gum commercial guy talks like he has a ten foot wad of gum in his mouth.

Commercials piss me off.

Paris Hilton needs to get over herself. bff deal. no one cares. shoo. go be-friend a grizzly bear.

Harry Potter is so last year. but Im so stoked.

Bruno looks just like Borat. which was gross more than funny. but Ill so go see it.

Didnt need to see Brunos ass though.

I dont know if Eminem was in on the skit deal. he might sue. who knows.

Although Eminem DOES promote bum in face doesnt he? who. knows.

Harry Potter kids look smokin. but are still so last year

the Tech movie award guy needs to stop humping his award. or breathing. whatevs.

you cant say dick on tv unless youre live.

Sandra Bullock is gorgeous. and my fav actress since the dawn of my time. Id be fake lez with her.

And Sandra made me lol long time when she groped Kristen.

Kristen is a tease. end of story.

The cover of jizz in my pants, boat, etc, was NOT funny. dont ask "why not?" it just wasnt.

The WTF award. I wouldve loled if I was 2 yrs old and thought swearing was funny still.

Lil Wayne is really Lil. yeah, true story.

Miley Cyrus didnt deserve that music award. and is NOT on a boat.

New Moon is going to be AMAZING with a side of OMG I CANT BREATHE.

Keiffer made me lol with his crying. but went overboard.

Ben Stiller is a jew. a really cool jew.

Kristen had a Bella moment. dropping the award. made me lol long time.

Kings of Leon live sounds just like they do on the album. which sucks. so you do the math.

Twilight cleaned up! like I said they would.

Just cause youre dead, doesnt mean youll win an award. no pity points here. *cough The Dark Knight cough*

Robs hot. end of story.

Thats all I can remember, seeing as half way through re-watching the award show my internet disappeared. freakin lame, I know. I didnt even get to see the trailer I already watched ten times online again. And I didnt get to see Rob being Robalicious again. AND I didnt get to see Kings of leon again [thank god].

its early in consideration to what time I went to bed last night [morning] Im off to potato in front of the tv, hoping that the award show will company me while I eat my lunch.

If you still havent seen the show yet, I pretty much filled you in. but if you have:

Tell me what YOU thought of the award show.
Do you think Twilight deserved all those awards? Cause I didnt.
Do you think Megan Fox is NOT a fox? cause I dont.
Do you think Rob is adorable? cause I do.
Do you think that the 360 camera is AMAZING? cause I do
Do you think Eminem will sue? lets place bets.


ps. want more pics? got em here

Friday, May 29, 2009

I less than three you Sam

Are you sad I missed Creeptastic Thursdays FIRST EVER day?
yeah me too.

Are you lol-ing about the picture to the right?
yeah me too. thank lauren for that.

Are you mad that I dont have much to say in this post today?
yeah me too.

Are you wondering who the hell this bitch-ass Sam person is that left me a comment on my last post strictly saying "whatever" as a comment?
yeah me too.

Well [mr? ms?] "Sam", if you do return, I have only this to say to you: thank you for commenting on my blog with your snarkyness. you pretty much made my night. hells to the yes you did. I dont even care that you were a jag and just said "whatever" so long as you were here, and left a mark. I lol-ed long time. I heart you big time Sam. who ever you may be.

I dont care what youre saying, so long as its about me. its the truth. cause remember what I said ages ago? I dont care what people say. and hate mail only makes me lol, so honestly, keep it coming. I love to laugh and it only makes you look ignorant. pretty much a double win.


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Gettin' Confessional

I like Twilight.
ps. if youre a boy, this post might not be for you. end of story. move along. shoo shoo. but! if it is for you, I love you long time.

go ahead, call your names, for I would have done the same a few months ago. I, too, was a Twi-hater. well you know what bloggers? dont be hatein'.

Twilight is a beautiful book [for girls] I read A LOT. So I think I know what Im talkin about. Ive even had a few guy friends closet read it and eventually [some when drinking] come out and say that it was good.

so now what haters? what? youre a bit more willing to give it a try? yeah, thats what I thought.

So anyway, Im not a "twilighter".
Im not one of those pre-teens [and some adult...*shudders*] you see running about with their twilight books held to their twilight tshirts heart like bibles and talking about Edward Cullen like hes my boyfriend that you want to ring by their ponytails. yeah, they kill me too.
Im not "obssesed" by any means other than I liked the books and I enjoy talking about them with other bloggers from time to time. end of discussion.

story of my [twilight] life:
When my great friend Alli had told me about the book Twilight in class one day I went, "uhm, romance novel...about a teenager vampire in love with a human? yeah, no thanks...sounds....stupid." yes, I pause and do a dot dot dot in real life. end of story. and yes she begged me to read them, knowing my vampire obsession since birth.

this, my blogger friends, is the one of the only times Ive ever been wrong. *cough*

A few months later
, I was dragged kicking and screaming to the midnight screening of Twilight by a handful of friends. Alli the ring leader. I saw the film. It was cute. the main charactor is a babe. whatever.

So! after watching and somehow liking the movie, I was willing to give the books a go. and guess what? I now think the film is a disgrace to the novels. period. the way the film was scripted and shot is an insult to me. Its beautiful, dont get me wrong, but there is so much more to these books they could have done! dont even get me started. unless you really want to really really like REALLY know. cause once I start baby, I never stop.

ANYfreakingWAY, long story, I know. But I was thinking before I have my Creeptastic Thursdays, I might telly you WHY I am posting up photos of Robert Pattinson so much. Cause I think hes a "hottie with a body", if you will, and I love it when I come across a sick and nasty picture of him. it makes me kick and giggle. and it shows me that, he as well as I, is only human and can look like a goon too. end of story.

and since Im about to make you lol long time and cringe tomorrow, Ill show you some yummylicious photos I found here
today is the day of a new found holiday known as:
Shirtless Rob Day.

I know what Im asking for christmas....*cough* replace the skank *cough* :]
and why is there a bald head blocking my view?
"uhm, please obviously middle-aged sir, move it or lose seriously."
Yeah...end of story.

dont drool too much, you wont want the clean to carpet. believe me...


Ps. If you must ask, the dots on his face and so on are for adding in the famous Edward Sparkles later on in the editing room. so hush you, he is NOT covered in moles. that would be sick.

Pss. Aunt. Read the flipping post already. click this: A True Love Story

Saturday, May 23, 2009

What The Manatee?

So much to tell, so little....ok Ive got plenty of time.

So blogger dot com peeps, whats on the upside? yeah, I can be lame too.

Anyway! When I was on my way to an amazingly small and crusty venue known as Swing State with J to see frantastical music played, I decided [with help from J] that I will now dedicate every thursday to my findings of creeptastical pics of a certain boy you all lust over these days. As well as whatever other celeb/singer/randomer I find that day.

Thursday Blogs are now so graciously named: Creeptastic Thursday.

cause everyone knows thursdays are the best days.

Monday= bad hair day
Tuesday= laundry day
Wednesday= Im never home day
Thursday= Best day of the week day
Friday= I never have time for anything day
Saturday&Sunday= Everyone else is busy Day(s)

So it obviously had to be thrusday. obviously.

And a side dish to my lovely blog: this just happened... at 6:19pm while Im writing this blog. My friend [we will name him later in my blog lifetime] just asked me...after I brought the subject up...what a manatee was. he. has. no. idea. end of story. *facepalms*

Anyway...As you Bloggers kind of should know already. I have a cat. named Jimmy. aka B. whatever. the point is, I have a story I wrote down in my journal a few days ago to share. Its something Jimmy and I had experienced together when I was looking out my front door and feeling insignificant the other morning.

oh and yes. thats him ->


"As I held Jimmy in the doorway, letting him take in the fresh air, he looked at me. His green eyes wide and questioning, I answered "Yeah I know, its a big world out there B." he looked out once more and hiccuped."

It was sort of like a gulp of fear hiccup. I wanted to cry. Its as if he knew and was feeling the same exact thing I was. sort of a surreal moment with a cat if you ask me.


Ps. No Im not some sad lonely spinster with a zillion and 1 cats. I have one cat named Jimmy who I have interesting moments with. end of story.

Pss. Manatee found at

Psss. Aunt. I am resending that invite to read my post A True Love Story. cause youre lame and wont read it like you said. *pouts*

Pssss. yes I edited this like. 4 times. I actually had typos this time. like. bad ones. yeah.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Cat food, Sex, and Freeze

you know youre hungry when: you open up a can of wet [nasty vomity looking] catfood and for a split of a split second it smelled good in your nose. yeah. Im freaking gross.
Im almost sorry that I feed him this sick goo. but he gobbles it up just fine, so I dont mind. I just tend to sit downwind from it while he eats. s'all good.

And for the record, Jimmys food does not look nearly as sickening as this picture I found on wikimedia. thats vomit worthy even for cats.

Oh! and before my rage cools, If I have to see one more KY Intense Commercial I swear I will flip out. You can almost legally admit me. yeah. So you cant advert cigarettes because thats bad for children to see and want. ok. cool. Soooo. whats the next best thing? Oh I know! lets advertise SEX! wtflip...

Anyway, I was watching the local weather person lie about how its going to be nice out for a change and I noticed her name. Amy Freeze. can we say irony? especially seeing as here in Chicago, it is about 85 degrees out. yep im in shorts and a tank top. and its spring. is this hell on earth? cause I kind of like it.

AND! hold your hats folks, cause Cookie [my horse for you lames that dont know] and I had our first horse show of the year! this past weekend, Cookie did so well. Im so pround I almost cried. plus I was dead tired which is when I tend to get whiney and moany...but still! We placed amazingly in all of our halter classes, even picking up two Grand Champion ribbons! CH-eahhhh! shes amazing, we're amazing. end of story.

Oh and since I havent posted and pics of him lately, here is another creepy picture of the lovely boy you all [want to] know I found on

Yeah....he needs to either stop making that face or do that all the time. it made me lol long time.


Ps. AUNT. A TRUE LOVE STORY. READ. UGH. [scroll down some til you hit pics of Cookie and I]

Pss. isnt it supposed to go pps? whatever.

Psss. Ive no idea where I found the KY picture. and frankly, I dont care. it bothers me. end of.

Monday, May 18, 2009

long time no laughs

I sat down at the computer here, going over my last few posts. Spell checking, flawless I know, as well as looking for new comments [there were none of those either] and all I could conjure up to say was,

"Sooo... that was rather depressing."

Yep, it kind of was. And I was ALMOST about to delete the last post but I decided to hell with hiding it. its who I am and all that mushy gushy stuff we all spill out. No excuses, my gatorade bottle spells out at me. Ive none.
Phases of darkness is over, Im fine now.
Im fine.
Its ok.

the real question here is: are you fine?

How are you, dearest reader mine? You havent been very chatty these days/posts [or ever] and I was just wondering if you were ok. a girl can wonder cant she? well I do. end of story.

Anyway, The kicks and giggle fits will have to end here for tonight. I know, I know, Im lame, boring, lazy, and whatever other rude names you can come up with too. I embrace them, it s'all good.

I have a good story to tell tomorrow anyhow. so the drum roll isnt needed, as youll be playing a long time. my pillows are calling me!


Ps. aunt, read A True Love Story. its a post about 5 psots down from this one. yeah, Im still on about you. Im about to post your silly "I cant open my eyes" photos. you know I have a few. dont make me do it!

Pss. No pictures! I know Im even so lame I dont have any of those to give tonight. deal with it.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

feeling wasted

"I want to change the world, but instead I sleep" - ingrid michaelson

I dont feel like Ive done enough in my life. for my family, my friends, and most of all for me. Im not being selfish, Ive actually been too selfless these years. ive been so worried about making everyone else happy, making everyone elses days go right, that even when I thought about changing course, helping myself out, it felt so selfish that I didnt follow through. I just keep going through the motions of everyone elses days and Im tired of it.

I was just told the other day that "youve only got time to lose" and I realized something while I sat their, parted lips reading outloud over and over again, taking in the harmless words.
My life is being wasted away.
Yeah, Ill happily spend the rest of my days reading every book I can get my fingers on, eating take out, writing every moment in time I feel inspired, and showering only when I feel the need to do so. But I have bigger dreams than that now.
My life isnt being lived to the fullest, hell its not being lived at all in my family's eyes. Im nothing. Im a speck of dust in the whirlwind of society. if I was to disappear, the whirl wouldnt perish. it wouldnt even tilt the slightest bit.

If Kortnii didnt exsist, would anything be different?
well surely different in some small way, but does anyone depend on her? no.
does anyone need her around? no. not really.
the world will move on without her easily, and if anything, easier. I need to change that.

Ive been told that life is like a board game. throw your chances, see where the pieces may lay. You know what I say to that? screw that.
Life isnt a game
life isnt about winning, losing.
Life is about living.
and I havent lived a day yet.
But I will. starting today, I will. And it wont be about the money, the friends, the glitter. its about me. My life is about me. Whoever wants to join me on the way I shall enjoy their company and try my hardest to make my presence the same back, but for right now, I need to get Kortnii figured out before I help anyone else these days.

like I said once before, to hell with trying so god damn hard for everyone else. Im trying for me and those I truly love and those who truly love me.
I know I can make a difference. I will.
I want to change the world, but I havent figured out how. yet.
Ps. Im not all sorry for my ramblings, for what I have just ranted on about [and hopfully made sense about] will shed light on someone elses life, but I am in a way sorry if you spent all the time reading this post in hopes for the normal laughs and giggles I bring to the world. Another serious post, you ask? yeah yeah, Im not feeling so silly these days. get over it, we all go through phases.

Ps. Aunt, you still havent read A True Love Story, the post I emailed you about a few weeks ago. im starting to think you jsut dont read my emails. I will call you about it [again] tomorrow, dont worry.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

shes demanding...something...what?

demanding, I might be at times. sure. Ill admit to it.

Im demanding more time.
more time for me to get my busy butt back online to slave away hour after hour to make another post for you.

this blog is supposed to be fun, and boy will it be fun. I think. .. . . . . where am I?

Oh yes, Im on my second wind of the night, its 12:53am. Ive been awake since around 4am yesterday.

crazy? no.

tired? not really.
will I explain why? sure.

next post.

muhahahahah ahah ahha ha ha....ha. ugh.

PS. Aunt, youve still not read my True Love Story post. I am ashamed to be your neice [not really, I love you.] but from now on, I shall put a Ps. just for you, until you read said post. so read it. now. this is getting rediculous. end of story.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Motospoon: brainless

My first [and prolly last] motocross post:

yeah, these people are nuts. and I live amoung them.

So my sister, we call her J [long story], she races motocross.

Oh and if youre a guy, this is the time where you go, "wow really? thats hot, is she hot? or is she one of those butch girls, cause thats not hot. shes hot right?"
and this is also the point in time where I smack you in the face.
end of story.

Anyway, I myself am way too scared aware of how dangerous it is to do the motocross thing.

"But Kortnii! Horses are dangerous too!"

I know, I know, horses are dangerous too, but for some odd reason I dont feel threatened by horses nearly as much as I do by motorbikes.
so hush up.

Of all the years shes been racing, oh yeah shes good too, I never really got interested in the theory of it all. and I also never want to see a fellow racer, friend, family member[yeah there are more people I know who do this moto thing], whatever it may be, get physically destroyed on the race track.
Or worse, killed.
it happens.
And I dont want to witness it.

So while I was at home again this weekend, chewing my nails to bits and pieces thinking my sister is in bits and pieces, I got to thinking. . .

If there is one thing to be learned about motocross, or any extreme sport really, its this: When youre willing to crash, youre ready to win.

I am a thinker. yes, truly I am. I over think everything. But for my horse riding, thats actually a good thing. as there are many many many upon many things to be thinking about while upon a horses back.

with motocItalicross, its the exact opposite.

youre only going to allow yourself to be thinking of one thing, J told me, and that is the track. "getting through the next obstacle," as she put it. not the speed, the height, the people around you, not how scared you really are in the back of your mind.
you turn your brain off.
Only the brainless can ride motocross and have a chance to win.
end of story.


Ps. Yes those amazing photos are of J, my sister.

Pss. Aunt, if you are reading this, the post called "A True Love Story" is the one that I wanted YOU to read. I put off posting a new blog so my "the latest post is the one you want to read" in the email stayed true. sorry! I am impatient. you know this.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

A true love story

Since the Kentucky Derby was just on, as well as the Jumper Classic, I have found the time to sit down and tell my own horse story:

The smell of fresh cut grass, hay, muddy leather boots, and two breeds of sweat swirls under my nose. My steed presses onward, to the trail we go. The sky is open, only but a few wisps of clouds are seen. The tree tops are bleeding with baby green leaves, winter is finally over. We embrace the Spring air, my horse and me.

I dont look like a cowgirl, but my heart is always itching for the ride. So what if Im a classic "indie girl" who keeps her hair tidy, her clothes clean, and loves herself a concert beneath the city rapture. So what if Im an aspiring author, so what if im an aspiring actress, so what. No one says you cant do everything and anything you heart desires, its always the other way is it not?

Well Hello, My name is Kortnii, I love horses, music, acting, drawing, writing, reading, and a whole lot of sillyness. its a pleasure to finally meet you.

I got into horses the moment I knew what one was. My Aunt, who is basically my mother to me, had pushed the idea ever so slightly onto me when I was younger than 2. she has two boys, and naturally they wanteed nothing to do with the ponies and were all about the motocycles their father loved. So, it was up to me to be her partner in the world that is horses.

So it started with the occasional leading around the arena when I was only a little sprout. Gifts were always horse related, of course, and I wouldnt complain. I loved horses. But it wasnt really until I was about 13 that I really started getting into riding.

Down the road from my aunts house, somewhere I was rarely away from growing up, was where my Aunt got to keep her new horse. I was in love with him. terrfied of him, but in love the same. but I did not ride him.
No no, he was still in training by Aunt, shes been doing this for years upon years. no. I rode a horse I came to know already, from the old barn I was lead around about as a child. His name was Stevie, the people, family friends at the time, had bought him. long story short, he was there, and was the horse I rode.

He wasnt comfortable, his knees falling about in awkward places, crooked legs, but had a good mind. Enough spunk to have fun on, but enough calm and cool to keep me safe. Stevie, the horse that started it all really. And then I moved onto my first show horse.

Boy was that scary. Finally over being green, My aunts horse Hootie, yes, Hootie was my first show steed. full name Whos My Daddy, for obvious reasons: breeders didnt know who the dad was. Anyway, he was full of himself. My aunt didnt even really want me on him half the time. but I rode proudly.

My first show, the aunt stood shaking with fear and excitment, I, too young to know better, rode Hootie and took two ribbons of 5th place out of 9. I was high with a smile a mile long.

Eventually, worse came to become the worst, Hootie was sold. Too much of a horse for us to show safely. Sorrow filled our eyes, but he was in good hands. I will never regret leaving him though, because one of the most important figures in my life came to me soon after the tears had dried upon my cheeks.

An 18 month old, Dun, Quarter horse filly stood anxiously and unknowingly waiting for our arrival in the make-shift, but nicely finshed, two stall barn/garage somewhere deep into the middle of Wisconsin. Scrapping her freshly polished hooves into the dirt, her ears cocked slighty at the sight of our car pulling into veiw. I took another glance and whispered "Thats her, thats my horse" to myself, but of course my Aunt heard. Cooke Cty Cookie was mine.

We split the cost, Aunt and I, she was $2500 of beauty in my eyes as I lead her into the trailer days after our first meet and greet. I was already bubbling with love, affection, worry, and future expectations of the pair of us in the show ring. We got her home, safe and sound of course, and the two of us, Cookie and I, went into training right away. And I loved every minute of it.

Another show under my belt, but this was Cookies first, came. She was weeks away from turning two, staggering drunk-like across the arena. We come to a halt, both of us shaking with nervousness, but our team work paid off. We won every class we walked into, at halter, and came out Grand Champions at our first show together. A show Ill never forget.

I now playfully toss her old halter onto my bed post once more, the worn purple and gold thing was all she came with, so much smaller than the one she wears today. Ill never forget the day my Cookie and I met.

Shes saved my soul in more ways than can be explained. Shes the reason I get up in the morning at times, the reason I still have dreams. She keeps me sane, even when shes driving me up a wall with her sillyness. I love her more than anything in the world, and thats the honest truth. No one could seperate us, no amount of money, no boy, no amount of stress; nothing.

Cooke Cty Cookie and I were meant to be partners in the horse world. Forever, or for as long as we both shall live.


Ps. Sure, I can be funny, sarcastic, and sometimes just rather rediculous, but the horse part of my life I dont joke around about as much. Its who I am, and who I always will be. Silly Kortnii will be back next post, for those of you who missed her.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

is it really 3am?

as of this sentance, it is 3:30am.

or is my clock lying to me?

Im hoping its all lies

and that I didnt spend another night come morning

waiting for your call
for your voice to cure my fall

waiting to be heard
for you to learn

that I love you

is it really 3am?

or is this just another nightmare?


Ps. This isnt meant to be a gooey post directed towards anyone, it just came to me while I was sitting in my living room next to my best friend sleeping on the couch after we watched a movie. Or is it? youll never know.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Dont bury me

IM STILL NOT DEAD YET!!!! [good song]


Ok blog spot dot com, blogger dot com, google run blog thingy, whatever, here I am. I know, I know, my absence has brought a virtual [and actual] tear to your blog eyes, but I am back! with more to tell than ever before.

So the main two reasons I was away, [I know youre itching to know] are as followed:

end of story. for now.


The laptop I use had run out of its free trial usage of Mcafee virus protection crap so I didnt dare go online while un-protceted. and was too lazy to download any other software myself in my spare time. sorry for being cheap. whatever

Anyway, do you also wonder how many times I actually say anyway? well alot. end of story. Anyway... what was I up to while I have been away for so long?

1. Trying to get a job. yeah, can we say unsuccesful? its tiresome. Though I may just go to work full time for my photographer friend, but she kills my brain cells with her drama. love her to death! but shes killing me.

2. Training my horse. No Im not a southern kind of girl, I dont even wear cowgirl boots until Im on said horse. I shower, brush my teeth, Im not attracted to my cousins, But I do have a horse named Cookie [youll hear more about her Im sure] and I have been training her myself these days. My Aunt normally does... but she cant seem to fit us into her scedule very often and even when she does get a chance to ride/train my Cookie, the horse wants nothing to do with her. she loves me more, naturally.

3. Trying to move into my own apartment. Which is looking great! and Ill be living as close to my horse as I could possibly get. can you spell excited? E-X-C-I-T-E-D. good job! you can have a cookie later.

4. Ive been kidnapped! I always love to see my close friends as much as possible, but never seem to have the time. so they make time for me! bunch of brats come to my home and take me places on a regular basis it seems. Im not complaing.

5. Ive been writing. yes, as most of you Dont know, I am an aspiring author. novels, hort stories, poems, songs, the works. Ive been way too inspired these days not to take the time to work on my material and turn dreams to ideas, ideas to paper, paper to stories, etc. its been magical.

6. I went to a bridal shower, yeah. tell me about it. you cant? well Ill have to tell you THAT horrific story of a weekend next post.

7. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST [drum rolls] I DYED MY HAIR PURPLE!! yeah, I know, youre jealous.
no, its not my whole head, its just under my bangs/fringe/whatever.
yes I love it.
No you cant copy me by doing a different color.
Yes Im sure.
No its not a compliment to me if you do.
and yes Its beautiful, ogle below.

no, it does NOT have green on top! the green from my room walls reflected off the shiny-ness of my tresses. so hush you.

Id give the grand details to more of my outings lately, but Ill let your mind rest for now.


p.s. dont cry, I promise Ill return this time.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

where is she?

Wedding shower [ugh]
let down
scream fest
new jacket

did I mention purple?
yeah. its been hectic.
Ill put a big long post for you to read when I get back home tonight. promise.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

the pefect flaw

I know, I know. what could faux vamp teeth have to do with this post? well, for starters, I have an obsession for vampires [way before the time of twilight thank you!] so even if I put vampire related objects in my post, it doesnt mean its always going to pertain to the actual writing. end of story. these fake teeth might be fun but, they are also of my interest these days...sort of.

you people dont know, I have a flaw. shocking, I know. its not one I voice to people very often [or ever].

I dont know if my friends notice or pass it off as something else, but I dont smile unless forced to. No Im not some sad act human classed emo for the sake of attention. Im actually a very happy-go-lucky person in the realm of friends and family. Im loud, obnoxious, and told Im a bit of a psycho...but its all fair fun. The reason I dont smile is: I have crooked teeth.

As I sat in front of one of my closest friends [we will call her M] I asked, "M, be honest. Can you tell how crooked my teeth are when I talk?"
she looked up at me from her lunch, dumbfounded. As her tiny eyebrows pulled together, she let out a quick breath of a laugh and replied "I didnt even know you had crooked teeth Kort."

well that was a shocker.

All my life growing up I literally trained myself how to talk without moving my lips much, in order to keep the pesky flaw in order. Ive always hated my pearly whites, so much so that I would cry over the idea of being stuck with them this way forever. My family did not have the funding for braces. it was a nightmare.

No one could love someone with crooked teeth, I thought, its not possible.

Well growing up, I found out that though the rumour is, that is definitely untrue.
Ive had a boyfriend[s], he didnt hardly notice until I nagged about it one night and made him practically stick his face up my mouth and get a real good look. [quick advice: If your boyfriend doesnt notice your flaws. dont point them out ok? it doesnt do any good. end of story.]

But I still cant be comfortable with my own smile.

So I decided: Im getting Veneers [aka lumineers].
For those of you lamers who dont know what these "Veneers" things are, they are permanent false teeth. Popular with celebs these days, within a few minor surgeries [and a lot of major cash dropping] you can have the perfect smile youve always dreamed of.

thank. god. [if there is one]

"kortnii, everyone has flaws. its really no big deal. Dont waste the money on making yourself what society classes as beautiful."

I wouldnt be lusting so intensly over the idea if I wasnt in pain. my jaw, gums, and teeth themselves literally ache 24/7. this forces me to suffer mood swings, headaches, lack of sleep, the works.

My imperfect self doesnt normally bother me, but this one is a pain in the ass...or mouth in this case

I suppose when you think about it, Veneers are the perfect flaw. One of my biggest problem areas is going to be covered up with the illusion of being birthed perfect, shiny, and white.

Me, Kortnii, with perfect set of chompers. Ill never get used to the thought.

Will I even like them? Oh god yes, of course!...but will the rest of the world? does it matter? what if they are too perfect, too surreal to be realistic? will I scare away from the whole ordeal?

no. of course not. end of story.

Anyway, for my next post Im asking a question. It something Ive always thought about, now I know my answer.

Is it possible for you to fall in love with more than one person at a time?


Monday, April 13, 2009

eyebrows and fingers

So I was uploading a snazzy picture I took on the webcam onto gayspace today. and after it loaded and I ogled at myself once more [we all do it] before leaving I saw something...strange...

I have wooly eyebrows.

caterpillars crawling upon my face.
So what did I do? pluck them?
No. Im far too lazy to do that.

I left them be.
Im kinda growing a liking for them.

whos a cute wittle wooly eyebwow? who? you are! you are!


go ahead, face palm.
I dont mind.
Cause I did.

after talking to myself in the mirror....

Anyway, I was fiddling around with an acoustic guitar and I figured out why it is I never will be a guitarist.
[crys a little]
I have girl hands.
cause playing the guitar with girl hands is hard. cause girls have little fingers. unless a girl has man hands, in which case they are not girl hands, so its not hard. like with my hands, cause they are small and girly. cause Im a girl. and I have girl hands.

OH and my arms are too short for my body height my Dr. said. whatever.


Ps. photo not found on photobucket today. might edit one in later. who knows. im unpredictable. like the weather. only I wont ruin your day. like the weather does. every. freaking. day. end of story.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Smelly Eggs & Bob

My first Easter blog ever. Happy Easter
sort of.

"Easter did not always symbolize Christ's resurrection from the dead and the meaning of Easter was quite different than what Christians celebrate today. The feast day of Easter was originally a pagan celebration of renewal and rebirth. [yadda yadda yadda] The meaning of Easter [these days] is Jesus Christ's victory over death. His resurrection symbolizes the eternal life that is granted to all who believe in Him."

do you see the mention of rabbits in there? no?
how about stinky rainbow eggs lying about the house?
chocolate eggs?
chocolate rabbits? anything?
no. you dont.

this is why Easter gets to me:
I dont understand the theory.

Jesus died, came back to life, the idea of zombies was born. whatever.

Why does this make it ok for a so called Easter bunny to lay colorful eggs around our house? only to leave us looking for rotten smelly eggs a few weeks later.
and then after we spend all day finding the damn things, why do we think its ok to eat them?

How is this related to zombie Jesus?

Anyway, if the easter rabbit comes to my house, hes eating lead.
or at least signing a contract to leave me plastic eggs only.
or money, whatever.
if the stupid rabbit wants real eggs, he can find them himself. pre-stink.
I dont feel like getting fat off chocolate either, so he can shove that somewhere nice. thanks.

stupid rabbit. stupider holiday.


PS. dont tell me to watch south park. I want the truth! not more stupidity. ugh.

/ ▌
/ \<-- This is bob help him take over youtube! my response when seeing this on a youtube video I like to lol at from time to time? : dont conform. and if youre going to anyway, dont conform to this retardism. thanks.

[pic:] [[edited by: moi]]

Friday, April 10, 2009

dear myspace, WTFLIP?!

so apparently bacon is for lovers and crossdressers need an adventure in love...allow me explain:

there I was checking my myspace [or gayspace if you will] putting out a harmless bulletin to let my peeps know what was on the upness in my life. and what happens to be lurking at the left side of my screen while about to hit post? a simple white background advert with big blue bold letters telling me: "Bacon is For Lovers" and nothing more. no pictures, no weird image of Obama doing the jig, no blinky lights that give seizures. nothing.
is myspace getting mixed signals from my posts? did I make them angry? is this a just a sick joke? I dont know. and did I dare click this and link to the unknown interwebs site? Hell no!
but I did, however hit send on my bulletin and as I scanned through it [checking for mistakes that were not there. flawless!] and yet another bewildering advert of the same font and form hits the right side of my page: "Single Crossdressers looking for Love! come and find your New Adventure!"

is it ok that i lol-ed? cause I did.

and "if a girl wears guy clothes is she [he?] a crossdresser?"
"no, shes a tom-boy"
thanks Luka...

Oh and go to
its the bomb diggity
[more like the bomb wtf-ity]


ps. I know youre imagining crossdressers mouthing bacon together right now. and for that I am sorry.

pss. I am in no way against crossdressers and/or bacon. so hate mail is not needed, but will make me and everyone else lol, so go ahead and send some.

psss. *photos found on photobucket* as always...

Im seeing things...not ok

So I noticed that I have 140 views on my blogtastic blog here.
yeah cool, go me.
...and like 3 comments.
way to be heard readers!
Oh and my twitter is being gay hardcore today.
I post, but nothing shows up.
I hope P.E. got my reply...cause hes the bomb.
and one of the only reasons I go on twitter...
Anyway, what I actually came here to complain/talk about today is my pictures.
No. not my photos that are amazing and soon to be on this site to Ooo and Ahh at,
Im talking the cheesy ones I put in my posts to spice things up.
see those bananas down there on yesterdays post? yeah theyre cute huh.
why the flip is there a box around them?
that looks tacky.
it wasnt there when I previewed the post.
its not there on photobucket.
but its there on the page!
I didnt ask for this!
am I crazy?
am I the only one seeing these annoying stupid boxes around my posted pics?
make them go away and youll make my day.
heres another photo for kicks and giggle while I figure how the hell to get those boxes to vanish.
you can swoon, hes used to it
[how does this lovely face...]
[[that looks REALLY bored. AGAIN! hugs? kiss? just asking...]]
Robert Pattinson
[look like this?! stop that, cause I dont know if I should lol or scream...]
*photos found on photobucket*

talkative tummy

so I was hunting in the kitchen cause my tummy was yelling at me and realized. I have no food. :'[
I talked to Luka about it, and he replied "what do you want me to do? pull a banana out of my ass?"
uhm no. but if you could buy me one that'd be great. loser.
youll be hearing more from him Im sure, hes a riot [not]

anyway, it reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend the other day when my tummy got angry like it usually does around noon when I skip breakfast.
"but kortnii its the most important meal of the day" go slap yourself in the face for me. :]

we will call them: THEM
and we will call me: ME
heres how it went [via msn]

THEM:brb i must stuff my face with edibles to fill my stomach

ME: i wasnt talking.....speed of movment. anyway, eat some cardboard. i mean. its edible in a way... i always wondered...

THEM: okays i am back and what do you wondere


ME: no thats not it. i was wondering what cardboard tasted like

THEM: cardboard [<-SMARTASS]

ME: and if i made a cardboard pizza look realistic enough, could i stomach it? prolly not. but could i convince soemone else to? maybe

THEM: probably tastes like cardboard LOL if you punch a cat is it called [EDITED FOR SICK AND NASTY CONTENT]

ME: er........thats just sick

THEM: legit question O_O lololol jk

ME: anyway. i need it multi-colored so i can make some faux pizza to feed one of my friends :] where do you get cardboard?

THEM: boxes

ME: where do i get them.... cant you like...steal some form the back of the store? but then they are all mashed. hmm. research time!

THEM: moving place storage unit they sell them

ME: i want em fo fwee

THEM: garbage? [<-ew]

ME: i mean, seriously. who buys boxes? no one. unless youre dumb and dont know where the free ones are at. ill ask my dad :]

THEM: around here we have dumpsters used only for carboard

ME: i dont want smelly cant try to eat those..... oh. well. ill ask my dad :] he'll know

and my father DID know. you can get them at the store for free [at most places], but you have to reserve them. like, "oh yes, Id like to reserve some boxes please, whats the special? yes sir 20 will be enough. thanks."....whatever

the point is: I think of really special things sometimes


ps. this is not ok....-> Photobucket
*[creepy]photos found on photobucket*

Thursday, April 9, 2009

copy/paste days

each day I take a new picture
and I think: everything looks exactly the same
I look a month back or more
and I think: who is this girl I see?
every moment Im waiting for a big change in me.
inside and outside
I see nothing.
I feel nothing.
yet something is always different
[chameleon girl: everchanging with her surroundings without knowing/trying?]
Im nothing like I was even a year ago, I hardly recognize myself
who am I?
I take another photograph
who are we?
each time you look into the mirror you see nothing new.
you feel nothing new.
you hear nothing new.
but you are new.
you never think you are changing until you see an old photograph
boy, how time flys & how we grow

*photos found on photobucket*

calm down its just a quickie

as I wave farewell to my old ugly orange sick and nasty blog with a tear [not] I scream HELLO to my new, lovely [& slightly blinding] new layout. loves it!
to bed for me, Im hoping soon.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

its official

Id like to give a big hive five to me. This is my first post [sort of] on kortnii Scribbles aka me on blogger dot com. cause im da bomb. lets party.

ok now that[the same word twice? it looks wrong]that nonsense is out of the way: how was my day?

well, after I got my franstasical blog up and running after slaving over the interwebs for hours trying to rig something up that looked passable, legible, the works....

I realized this: Its hideous.
what was I thinking? Did I got momentarily blind while picking out this layout? orange? I dont even like orange! who decided this for me? was I asleep? Did someone take over my body thinking "lol this is going to be GREAT!" at the wee hours of the monring?

anyway, the point is: Im re-doing it. end of story.

heres a drool worthy picture I found while you wait for me to un-ugly my blog. *sighs*
[does anyone else think he looks positivly bored? need a hug? poor guy]
*found on photobucket*




so this one time, I foolishly decided to create my own blog page.

designing it will be fun! I said.
It'll be easy! I said.
this won't take more than a few mins! I said.
I want to pull my hair out and get some sleep wtflip was I thinking?!?! I screamed days later...


well here it is, I created [found a site to create one for me] my blog :]


Blogger design by - background image by Wagner Campelo